Just Another Weird Weasley
by Flatulence
Summary: What's Weirder Than A Weird Weasley... ? Just Another Weird Weasley. A weird, obsessive and delusional Weasley. Warning: Weird, Ugly and not really Sweet, Sugar or Spicy.


DISCLAIMER : I don't own this shit. I have no rights to this fucking idiocy. I still blame Hershey's for it all.

If any of you are scarred for life now, go file a lawsuit against JKR, cos she owns this shit, right ?

* * *

Harry Potter was not amused. Those idiotic readers had put up some more stupid comments. Seriously, did people believe he actually wanted to be with whatshername Weasley, The-Slag-Who-Hoodwinked-The-Boy-Who-Lived.

He thought it was not quite right when his fans would rather he marry Ginny than Dobby.

Dobby...

Dobby was such a dedicated little bugger, no wonder he wanted to be free from the Malfoys! They probably didn't put his special talents to use, and Dobby would have been pretty frustrated at not being able to serve his Masters well; that wouldn't do at all now, would it ?

He had freed Dobby! Dobby owed him a favor! Maybe he should call it in now, it had been 10 years since he was free after all. Yes, that would do...

"HARRY!"

The bitch was back. He didn't know why that bitch thought she had rights over him. He hadn't even married her. And yet she had managed to make the Wizarding World believe that they were married, that she wasn't wearing cheap imitation wedding ring, but something Lily Potter had created for herself and James Potter, while she was still alive.

He had read that sappy and completely false store in Witch Weekly; he was supposed to have an 8 inch magical wand that could put punctures into any mediocre moldy wart. Unless of course, it was a woman who had Lily Potters' diamond wedding ring. Otherwise shagging Harry Potter would make you scream like a banshee and ensure that you died a painful molten cheesy death.

Yes, and he thought the residents of Privet Drive were weird.

He was still a virgin, it frustrated him. Men, women, children and other magical creatures alive avoided him.

The Unspeakables had put the strongest Muggle Repelling Charm on him after Ginny somehow spread the rumor that he was planning on leaving the Wizarding World. Fuck her.

Even the goblins were conspiring bitches, those conniving inbred mini-Dumbledore's. They had somehow decided that since the Wizards were stupid enough to believe Ginny Weasley's tripe, there probably wouldn't be any problem handing over half the Potter wealth and legacy to her.

Ginny Potter.

That's what that bitch, now standing in my room, called herself. She had the audacity of undergoing plastic surgery to look like Lily Potter. Of course, the surgeons had mysteriously found their bank accounts 40K Pounds richer to make her look more like a botched up Freddie Krueger look alike.

Best money he had ever spent!

Unfortunately, she had been more than successful in spreading those rumors. She had managed to break my Elder wand in half, so I couldn't even kill her without having blood on my hands anymore.

So I had a paranoid Freddie Krueger lookalike who had managed to make the Wizarding World believe she was my wife, and that my Nectar of Life was actually plain acromantula venom for everyone, except lucky her.

At least Snape's happy. In the Afterlife. Or whatever.

So now I just spend the rest of my days, writing plain stupid fan fiction, putting to life my perverse fantasies killing Ginny in various ways. I started DLP you know! But some fucker decided he could manage it better and made up a silly anagram of his name and became Administrator. As if! If it weren't for this stupid dial up connection that I have to deal with, I would probably have dealt with the buggers by now.

Oh yeah, she's still standing behind me, I can see her in the mirror above my screen. Oh fuck, she's taking off her robes, trying to give me a strip tease, not this again! Ooh.. Burn!

Yes, it was time I revolted, I can't take this anymore. Time to call in that House Elf debt! Let's hope this works.

"DOBBY!"

*CRACK*

"What can Dobby do for you, Master Harry?"

Fuck! I just jizzed. It just shows how sexually repressed I've been. I've started having wet dreams of house-elves' lately. So I write sexually liberating fics.

Dobby/Dumbledore, Dobby/Malfoys, Dobby/Hedwig, Dobby/Buckbeak, Dobby/Grawp, Dobby/Voldemort.

The last pairing made me damn fucking jealous.

But my fans just don't understand. I keep getting hate mail from them. Then there's this Litany of Hate guy who keeps flaming me. Come on people, I just killed off the Darkest Dark Lord of the Century, can't you people just ignore a few shortcomings ?

So anyway, yep, my patience is at an end. I'm trapped in this bloody rune warded house, I can't leave without performing considerable magic. I don't have my wand. Somehow, I'd decided that it was a good idea to leave my Holly wand at that Slag's place and kept the Elder wand for myself. How she managed to break that wand is still a mystery. She now has me under virtual house arrest. She always has my wand with her when she comes here though.

And today, I've decided to break. I read some of Vash' stories, and I've decided it's not really a bad idea to have a fling with a Lily lookalike; provided she doesn't look like a Freddie Krueger lookalike, and doesn't have natural orange hair.

And now for my plan. I don't want to sully myself with Ginny Freddie Weasley. So I use Dobby. Pretty simple, right ? Yeah, I wonder why I didn't think of this before.

"Harry, your wand for your WAND... What say?" She tries to sway sexily, naked. That's an oxymoron right there! Ginny Weasley can't be sexy, not when she's naked... Especially when she's naked!

She's dangling my wand in front of me, while I'm chained to my chair. Fortunately for me, my innate magic deems her enough of a threat that I somehow accidentally manage to harm her every time she tries to force herself onto me. Thank God for huge magical reserves.

"Dobby, look behind you."

Dobby turns.

He's shivering with fear... Wait, what!

"Thank you Harry Potter, sir, I knew you'd find me my mate! Oh, she's wonderful!"

He teleports to her and starts humping. There's green thick liquid flowing onto Ginny's body, she's screaming, with... fear or excitement ? Hmm... This is certainly an educative experience. I'm sure Hermione would be jealous!

...

Hey, they just climaxed. What the fuck ?!

They just got bonded ? Cool... Looks like they were Soul Mates.

Nah, that's just my inner fangirl talking.

But they are glowing a suspicious green. Maybe it's just Dobby's semen.

"Thank you Harry Potter, sir, I finally have family."

I'm tempted to ask what happened of Winky. But I don't want to be scarred anymore. They pop away. My chains disappear. My wand lies on the floor. I'm free! My plan did manage to work, though not how I'd expected.

Surprisingly, I'm not so horrified at what happened. I'm sure Mrs. Weasley won't be so terribly disappointed. She wasn't when she realized George and Fred... Ahh. Let's just say Freddie Weasley was surprised to find herself in bed with George after one particularly drunk Halloween night.

Yes, I expect an invitation from Dobby to the Grandest Weasley wedding. Soon.

Dobby will be quite shocked to realise he's taken Ginny Weasley for his bride, I'd guess. Won't be so happy with me then, huh.

Hey, that elf still owes me a debt, in fact, he owes me two now! The hat was right, I'm definitely a Slytherin! Damn, I rock...

I spy that stupid imitation Diamond Ring next to my wand. I pick up my wand.

"Avada Kedavra"

There. My life's nemesis destroyed.

I look at my conventional wall clock. There's some time to 7. I can still write up something.

I'm addicted to writing fanfiction now. Hmm... A new story today.

"Just Another Weird Weasley... A Dobby/Ginny Romance Story"


End file.
